Anxiety and hygiene
- I struggle quite a lot with anxiety and other mental illnesses, and one of the things that that kind of messes with is your motivation. The thing that I find most difficult is the way that it affects your ability to maintain hygiene, and that's really embarrassing a lot of the time. I think a lot of people don't realize how badly you want to do things. And like how badly you want to like « Oh, I really need to clean my room » or « Oh, I've got dishes that are piling up » and like the food is really old and it's really gross and... it's frustrating, because a lot of the time people do not understand that this isn't just laziness, and how strongly you want to do the thing, right? And it feels like there's this mental block, which is what makes it physically painful if you try to do a thing. And you just can't sometimes like you're just in bed all day, and I don't know... it's something I struggle with quite a lot. It's like people feeling like I can't take care of myself. I find it difficult sometimes but it's not out of immaturity, it's because it's the mental illness in it. It's not voluntary, I hate mess... I hate mess and I hate uncleanliness and I hate the state that my room gets in sometimes, like it messes with my mental health more to have a bad room, but the mental health makes the bad room, if that makes sense. I think a lot of people just see the mess, and they're like « Oh, you're lazy and you procrastinate and you don't care about hygiene » and that's not true, it's just really difficult sometimes to maintain that.
- How do you feel when someone goes like « Oh you're lazy, you should do your dishes! » ?
- There's so much shame, there's a lot of shame surrounding it for me. I find it quite difficult to express that to people in a way that they would understand.
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