- I guess what I would like people to understand about me is that I'm just trying my best. Because we constantly have a habit of when somebody does something that we don't like, or that we wouldn't do in a given situation, people tend to sort of blow off and say « Oh no, you shouldn't have done that, you shouldn't have acted that way! ». But in most cases, the person who's done that thing is usually... and I invite myself, I suppose, I'm talking about myself, they're usually just trying their best. And they're not aware of that, or even if they are, they've had a lapse of "remembering that for a moment" kind of thing (laughing). And I feel like the world would be a better place if we were all capable of constantly being mindful of the fact that everybody is just trying their best. And there may be some cases in which some people are genuinely trying to be hurtful, or trying to be rude and stuff like that. But I think in most cases, people just aren't. And then even if those people are trying, they probably have some fucked up reasons for trying to be that way anyway, so...
- How do you feel when someone tells you « You haven't done that well enough » ?
- Or like « You shouldn't have done that », hum, yeah, it always feels somewhat humiliating. Like... you should have dome something different, obviously, because that's what you're being told.
- Or to know more, or to practice more...
- Yeah, but at the end of the day you can't go back and change that action so it seems somewhat useless being told that, and in my experience it's better when people tell you effectively what you can do right now or the next day or in the future to do better than that, rather than just looking back in the past.
- Clearly yeah, like children I guess, when they do a mistake, you explain « Oh, it doesn't work because... ».
- Exactly, because you know that this child is sort of experimenting with their environment and trying to find what works and I suppose you do need some kind of negative reinforcement so that they get the signal of like « No, that's a a bad thing to do, don't do that » but then you also need to give them the advice on how to follow up on that. And I suppose, at the end of the day, it's getting the balance, right? Because if somebody hurts you or does something that is wrong, you can't just say « Oh it's okay that you did that wrong thing but here is how you can do better » because if there isn't that kind of negative signal that it was wrong in the first place, then they're not going to attach and implement that advice, if they haven't felt a kind of shock in the moment, you know. But I don't know what the best way to work with that is. Because you don't want to unnecessarily upset people, but at the same time, you do want them to do better in the future.
And that can be dealt with in a more empathetic way, that does preserve your kind of self-worth and still motivates you to do better in the future.