In the shoes of others

Men should be able to cry

- I think that guys should be able to talk to each other, be more open, be even affectionate towards each other. Because sometimes it is important to be able to be open with each others, have conversations about good times, bad times or about how we are feeling. And sometimes we're seen to be sort of feminine or homosexual or other kind of ridiculous notions when we do.

- I feel like more and more men are ok with crying, no?

- Yes, and men should be able to cry. Men do cry. They're trying and make out that they don't and also you find a lot of men who in public will never ever cry, but they will cry behind close doors when they're to themselves. And I think that it comes from the sort of idea that they might be sort of discriminated against, that they might sort of not feel "like a man". Men should definitely be able to cry, men should be able to be emotional in public, and shouldn't feel bad for doing so and that's something that kind of needs to be talked about.

- Do you, if let's say you're in a public place, a bar, talking with a friend about something, will you allow yourself to cry? Will you be comfortable crying in public?

- The honest answer is that I probably would cry, but I wouldn't feel comfortable about it, maybe not as comfortable as some people would, and I feel like it's kind of wrong and it's just because of the way I was raised, I was kind of been told to sort of back off and be a man and not cry, and I feel like it's not doing anybody any good. To suppress an emotion is never a strategy which is going to work, you know...

- I think there's even study showing that basically there's hormones and things in our tears that are meant to be eliminated with the process of crying, and if we don't, our immune system has to deal with it, which weakens it and might leave us tired, and on a long term impact our health in a negative way, so...

- That's very interesting! Certainly, after you have a good cry, you do actually feel better. While you're crying obviously you will feel sad, but afterwards you know I feel it kind of helps to sort of process emotions a lot, whereas if you just kind of try to completely mask yourself, completely block your emotions, all you're doing is just bottling it up and up and up and quite frankly a bottle can only get so filled before it bursts.

- Yes, you might explode at some point... Do you think that could be the reason that leads some men to be violent, to have an unhealthy relationship to alcohol, to adopt an unhealthy behavior, or to, you know, release that tension in another way?

- It's a difficult question, but you can certainly see how it can happen for some people... A lot of men use anger as a kind of copping mechanism, as an alternative to sadness, because to them, it fits the role much better, if they can just be angry and punch stuff and be furious, as opposed to being sad, which is more of their actual experience. And I feel like it's definitely used as a sort of emotional outburst, but still trying to pertain to this idea of manliness or something like that, so... yeah, I do agree to that.

- It's strange because crying, at least to me, seems easier than punching someone... (laughing)

- (laughing) Yeah it certainly is for me as well, it does feel easier, but it depends on the exact person and I met people in my life who basically fit exactly the person we're talking about, so you know, someone who doesn't know how to deal with their emotions, doesn't have that sort of emotional maturity and sort of breaks out to fix some anger. Because they don't know how to express their emotions in a healthy way, you know, so...

- So let's say that this person that you have in mind would be vulnerable for once and would be like « Ok, I'm all ears and listening to you, what advice do you have for me, what I should do or not do? ». What would you answer to them?

- I think that you should embrace being able to cry, being able to be sad, and recognize that every person on earth deals with emotions and you know, just because you think that you need to try to be this strong person, that you need to be emotionally null in a way, it's just not correct, you know? You need to be able to express yourself, you need to be able to be happy, be sad, be every single emotion under the sun, and express it outwards as opposed to inwards, because, like I said, one day, the bottle will burst if you keep filling it up...

#guys #men #manhood #manliness #virility #masculinity #maleness #emotions #talktoeachother #bemoreopen #affection #feelings #crying #cry #mencry #mendocry #mencancry #sad #sadness #howtodealwithsadness #cryingfeelsgood #cryingisgood #anger #coppingmechanism #expressyourself

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